So, I am regrouping. I became overwhelmed (so much so that it even took me awhile to realize that was the problem) by trying to do too many things at one time. Many of those many things were new to me, as well. Over the last year (or so), I joined a CrossFit box, started, stopped and started again a running program and began to overhaul our pantry. All of these things were new to me; I was trying to change too many old behaviors at once and became overwhelmed, frustrated and discouraged when I couldn't 'do it'. So, I stopped. Then I would become overwhelmed, frustrated and discouraged that I 'wasn't doing it'. So, I tried again. And, so on and so on. It was a quite unproductive cycle.
When I was actually sticking to all three things at the same time, I felt so much better. I felt 'alive' and enjoyed many new things that the confidence from time at the box and on the road running gave me. However, I would become frustrated that I wasn't losing weight. In fact, a few times I would weigh in and find that I had gained weight. I never gave muscle vs. fat a thought. At all. So, I'd revert back to old eating habits and inactivity and actually lose weight but lose that 'alive' feeling. I began to hate knowing what 'feeling good' felt like. I sort of started wishing I was ignorant to what the changes in diet and exercise would do for me because I now had a new feeling. Guilt. Because I knew what it felt like to be on the right track with cleaner eats and activity, I felt guilty when I began to feel sluggish and 'gross' again. All of these various feelings would have me making poor decisions when it came to my eats and activity; decisions I hated making but didn't really have enough hate for them to stop making them. Does that make any sense?
I kept up with some of my favorite blogs and would occassionally reach out in the comments section or via email to see just how they pushed through. The majority of the responses I received were to 'just keep at it'. So, I did. By joining the Whole Life Challenge. In the beginning, this was fun and I was excited to be a part of it. By logging in each day, receiving points for compliant eats and being active, it was a game with rewards of the tangible and intangible kind. I felt like it was just what I needed to 'keep at it'. However, it soon become another chore. And, I soon started feeling guilty when I didn't do the things necessary to log points. Then, I went on vacation. It was hard getting back into the habit of logging in each day. I kept moving; however, I wasn't as excited about doing it. I was doing the WLC with a small group via Facebook and email; however, I was alone in my real life, day-to-day group of pals. It was hard to keep at it and about the time I was ready to let myself bail, it was over. And, I was relieved.
In the last weeks of the WLC, I realized just how overwhelmed I was, became sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and wanted change. Real change. This I can thank the WLC for. By participating in the WLC, I learned a bit more about what works for me and what doesn't. What motivates me and what doesn't. And, that losing inches is way more fun than pounds. :)
So, I am regrouping. I want to properly train for and run a half marathon. To get there, I want to use time at my box and cleaner eats. Instead of trying to run a half marathon, improve on benchmark WODs in set time frames and purge the pantry and fridge to lose weight, I want to focus on the half and use the gym as strength training and the pantry to fuel properly for same. This makes sense in my head; I hope I have translated what I am thinking well. Basically, instead of taking on three things for three different reasons (run and be fast, CF and be strong and fast, eat better to be to lose weight), I want to run and finish strong, CF to run strong and eat well to be able to run strong.
Thanks for reading my babble! I hope that you stick around as I journal my journey to my first, personal half marathon and the things I think and do along the way.